I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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