I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
