I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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