My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
