Plan B is the new Plan A
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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