I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
