Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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