Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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