it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
