the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
