he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
