how can u be prego again
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
