I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
