dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How does one acquire holy water?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
