Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so let's talk penis.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
