If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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