At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
And my parents said I crawled through the house
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
