I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
