This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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