that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
