so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
