She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
