we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
