True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I will pee on everything he values.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
