i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
