Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
