so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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