We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
