No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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