i need an iv and a liver transplant
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
