Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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