can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
