I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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