Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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