please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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