i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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