I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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