Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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