Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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