oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
