i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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