GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
