So drunk its hurt
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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