i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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