Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
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