everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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