have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
