Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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