I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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