Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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