You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
