I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Send help, water and tortillas.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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