I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
