My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
